not quite

It looks like home to me... ALMOST. There is the big huge tree that I use to climb. There's the many baby lambs that arrive this time of year. The assortment of animals roam the fields and fill the corrals. There's a field just planted with berries. Ruth's house sits at the edge of the property. And there is a view that is breathtaking. But it's not exactly home anymore. The huge tree just sits there with no child climbing it, the baby lambs will not be shown by one of my siblings in the county fair this summer. The assortment of animals are one's I don't share memories with the old mule is dead, and Max the dog is not there to greet me.

 The field planted with berries will not be picked by me (unless I am lucky enough to come back),Ruthie's house causes an ache in my heart when I momentarily forget she's not there to go visit with, the view is still just as breathtaking though. I realize I don't know this place anymore. People are gone, or families are changed. Our school gym has been painted and has new bleachers. Even my parents are hardly recognizable, my mother frantically trying to keep a dog IN the house is so unbelievable. And I realize that TIME is a huge factor when talking about a PLACE. This is not the PLACE I grew up. Physically it is, same house, same tree, same fields, etc. But really it's not. The place I grew up is a memory. No more hiking the hills to catch lizards, or climbing over fallen tree's accross the canal to get to the Merc to buy candy. No more walking home after school. No more raw milk in the fridge when you get home, or hiding on the roof of the barn to get out of doing chores. And it's not just because I'm to old to go to school, or catch lizards, or because there is no tree to cross over, or the fact that the barn would literally collapse if someone tried to climb it that makes these things undesirable to the present. It's that the people who I shared these memories with aren't here. My cousins aren't here to help with sheep or catch those lizards. My siblings aren't here to fight with over who fills the milk jug or who does what chores. The people who made my childhood aren't there anymore, and it's a little sad and a little lonely to think about. But that's what makes the memories all the more precious, because they will never be duplicated. And the saying is correct you truly can Never Go Back. But you can make new memories for sure and having my kids be here doing things that I did sure means a lot, even if it's a different time and PLACE.