APART

So I have tons of things to update like my birthday, some kiddo stuff etc. But I lost my camera cord so right now those pics are staying put. I do want to update real quick on an interesting thing that is happening for me. When Addy was 5 months old I found out I was pregnant with Liam, I had horrible migraines it hurt so bad when she nursed so I looked it up online and found out I could be pregnant. After a test said yes and a doctor visit confirmed I asked about the headaches, slow down on nursing or up your eating a lot. Though the latter seemed like the most fun, it's not that easy and the headaches did not ease up so I eased up on the nursing, it was sad but wasn't really quick, I gradually over 2 months cut down on feedings and around Christmas time I was done and Addy was fine. With Liam I got nervous when he started cutting teeth around 4 months because Addy didn't get teeth until 10 months (so after she was weened), but I suffered through some bites and came out okay. I have been trying to give Liam a bottle for awhile now just to get him prepared and to try to get him to eat more since his weight was so off. I also felt that around 9 months I wasn't producing as much ( I wonder if it was because that was when I was completely done with Addy... does your body know that sort of thing?) Anyways 2 weeks ago I finally got him to take a bottle only 2 ounces but hey it worked. And then I cut back on a feeding to see if I could get him to drink more and it didn't really work only about 3 ounces I started noticing that my son was a little ADD when it came to eating, I mean I always figured he'd got enough out of me because he acted done, but with the bottle I could see he was stopping after every ounce and I was struggling to hold him down to drink more and literally I had to wrap my leg around his midriff and hold his hands so he could focus and it worked he drank 4 ounces at once after that he was drinking really well and the bottle was much better for him because he'd drink go play come back and drink some more. I was happy, we have our first overnite trip just the two of us coming up and so I decided since I was halfway done with weaning though it wasn't my intention at first I decided to just do it. And the results have definitely been more beneficial to Liam, due to the nature of his eating habits he now has milk readily all the time and he has gained over 2 pounds now (he's even started to get chunky thighs) I can monitor how much he gets now and he's up to 8 ounces at a time so that is awesome. But I'm suffering and it's not physical. It is an emotional suffering that I really didn't expect. Due to the effects Addy had on me and the fact I had a little growing fetus inside I knew what was best for us so it was still emotional but necessary. I also think that this is necessary for Liam's weight and I know he is 10 months so it's not like he hasn't got my milk for almost a year but it's hard. I miss the time with him, I miss the pure love look in his eye when I fed him and I hate being APART from him. He's become more independent, he spends lots of time cruising around and not really worrying about where I am now. I feel like this is in direct correlation with my nursing being basically non-existent (I still nurse about 3 minutes a day because that's all he'll do and I'm not completely dried up) I guess I'm just saying that I did expect some feelings of loss but not the tears and the realization that my baby is growing up, I think with Addy it wasn't as bad because I had Liam well on his way to being here so I new I had another baby that'd show up in a few months but this time it's different. Anyways I just thought I'd document how I was feeling because it sure is different but I think it will be good for all. We'll see how I do on the overnight trip, never left Liam and I've only left Addy once when I was having Liam and I missed her like crazy and bawled so this will be interesting.